Wednesday, September 17, 2014

Minecraft Isn't Real

Image credit: GameSpot

For my own sanity, and yours, and your childrens', I feel I need to point this out. Let me help you and yours come back to a sense of reality.

  • People can't chop down trees with their fists. Or, if they did, they wouldn't have enough of a hand left to make a crafting table out of that wood.
  • While we're at it, you can't make a crafting table out of chunks of wood--without a crafting table. So this becomes a chicken and egg problem, only worse.
  • People can't carry around 78 blocks of granite. Just can't be done.
  • Uncooked meat goes bad after a while. And so does cooked meat, too, by the way.
  • Just because you sleep through the night doesn't mean the bad guys outside aren't really there.
  • Skip the last one. There aren't any bad guys outside. If you go to sleep through the night, you'll be just fine. Trust me, kids.
  • Endermen do not exist. I know it's terrifying to see one that's less than two inches tall, but they aren't real. Did I mention that it's safe to go outside in the dark (check with your parent or guardian)?
  • If you meet a spider the size of your torso, you should definitely not attempt to kill it with a crappy stone sword. You should run as fast as you can.
  • Hacking a sheep to death makes it more, not less, difficult to capture its wool.
  • People can't swim with 78 blocks of granite on their person.
  • When you lose a third of your life to an explosion, a pork chop isn't going to make it come back.
  • The world is larger than the screen you are staring at.

You're welcome. Now please add your own reminders, and help restore our collective sanity.

P.S. Thanks, Mojang

I wasn't the only one who needed to be reminded, apparently: "Why Minecraft Isn't Realistic" (YouTube video)

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